we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I will pee on everything he values.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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