Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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