Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
