Don't make out with my wife yet
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
