So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The adults are the big ones right?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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