Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
