you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
