i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
