tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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