Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
