It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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