I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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