Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
