I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
