he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
