i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
