How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
