There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
