Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize