So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
