Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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