Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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