wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
