i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
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