he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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