I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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