I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
