Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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