I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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