he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
