So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
