Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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