I have demons in me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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