just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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