so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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