Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
