The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
