I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
