This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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