I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
