You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
