i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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