he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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