I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Text me some of your sweat
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
