Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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