The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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