were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
