today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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