dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
