new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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