Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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