omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
