He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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