just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
