you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
