My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
