no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Randomize
