I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
