I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
