you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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