I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
