Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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