we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
