god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
