Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
