Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
