What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
