I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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