I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
