I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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