I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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