Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
