It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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