So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
