I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize