is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
