my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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