official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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