He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
