I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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