is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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