Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
