They should really pass out barf bags in church
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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