Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm gonna have a badass scar
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
