We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
