I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
