did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
