Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
