it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
