ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
