She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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