Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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