The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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