I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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