Non-Jews are for practice
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
