Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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