hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
