My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
