I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
