I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
3 2 1 whiskey
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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