I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
